1. I went to the store to buy a sympathy card for a friend whose husband passed away. Fortunately I don’t find myself in need of sympathy cards very often so I was surprised to learn that they offer the bereaved a lot of advice. Most of which, I’m guessing, the person doesn’t need or want (at least not from a card). “Look to your family in these hard times.” “Remember the joy you shared.” “Ask for help if you need it.” You don’t really find other card categories spouting talk show euphamisms. Front of card: Congratulations on your new baby, and remember when your little bundle cries for 8 hours straight and you want to stick your head in the oven. Inside card: Ask for help if you need it.
2. My 15-year-old nephew friended me on FB. Shayne, if you’re reading this, Aunt Jackie would like you to put your shirt back on in your profile photo. Thank you.
3. Many people, by which I mean 2, have been clamoring to see my new ‘do. I’m naturally reluctant to post a photo of myself given that I’m as photogenic as a sloth, but I have been told by folks in the know that it looks vaguely similar to this. A four year old recently told me that Justin Bieber is hot, so if that’s any indication, maybe my hair looks better than I thought, at least with the “girls age 10 and under” crowd.
4. I had a vivid dream the other night wherein I was fired from my job. The dream starts after I’ve been canned and I’m in serious distress about finances as well offended about why I, of all people, would be let go. After all, I’m a stellar employee (stop smirking out there). The next day, two people were laid off at my job and I learned that a woman who is my counterpart at a competitor was laid off for restructuring. Maybe I’ve gained some kind of M. Night Shyamalan / otherworldly clairvoyance. Maybe I’m getting a vibe on you right now…
5. Reggie went to the vet for his annual check-up. She asked me to get a urine sample from him for testing. How does one go about this? “Now, Reggie, if you’ll just pee in this little cup…”