Friday Five

1. Coney Island is working 24/7 to transform itself from a warty toad into a beautiful mermaid with a kiss from the city. Nineteen new rides will replace the aging Astroland, which closed last summer, including a spinning roller coaster dubbed The Tickler (!), a surfboard ride, a swinging pendulum and a log flume. It’s being modeled after Luna Park, one of the three original amusment parks during Coney Island’s heyday at the turn of the 1900’s. Inevitably there will be New Yorkers who complain about the improved boardwalk  saying that it’s become Disnified (read safe and clean).

Regardless of the naysayers, the new Luna Park rides will be in full swing for the annual Mermaid Parade, held on the first weekend of summer, which is basically an event at Coney Island wherein people see how few clothes they can wear and not get arrested. I have been to a few Mermaid Parades and it never fails to disappoint. Friends love to recount the time that I “made” them walk to the parade from my old apartment – a few measly blocks. As I recall it was a lovely day filled with the slight breeze of anticipation to see as many pasties as possible.

2. Let me hear you scream. I was cleaning out my closet and came across a dusty box of old cassettes. Metallica, Ozzy Osbourne, Dokken and Van Halen (with Sammy Hagar – what was I thinking). Even a couple of hair bands. I’m not sure why I didn’t get rid of them long ago when I ditched my last cassette player. Maybe I’d seen one too many AntiquesRoadshow episodes (If I keep them for the next 50 years, they’ll be collector’s items and I can die rich!) So when I saw a program about  creative folks who give new life to outdated items, I knew I’d found a sober home for Motley Crue. Enter Sonic Fabric. They make fabric from cassette tape and turn it into ties, hats, flags, you name it. I’m not sure if the fabric is scratchy (get it, scratchy, ha) but what a great idea. I contacted Alyce and sent her the box. Now if I could just find a use for my old David Cassidy vinyl.

3. Faithful readers know that I have a sweet tooth. I’ve sought help for my problem over the years, but I fall off the wagon from time to time. So when I saw a friend’s recipe for these cinnamon cookies I knew I was going to make them. I thought everything was going according to plan, but then it wasn’t. For some reason the batter was crumbly. I followed the recipe. Really! Even though they didn’t look great, they tasted okay (my co-workers, probably the least discerning people on the planet when it comes to baked goods, gave the cookies a thumbs up). Clearly I have no choice but to do another test run to get them on par with my friend’s results.

4. Are you tired of going on the town looking for the guy or gal of your dreams only to be cockblocked by your wingman? Enter one Aaron Elliner from Long Island. For a small fee ($60 per hour) Aaron will be your perfect wingman. Kind of like a paid escort in reverse. He’ll be your Cyrano if you’re having trouble thinking of the perfect opening line. (A personal fave  from college: “I’m from Missouri, the show-me state. What are you gonna show me?”) And if you get a hanger-on who can’t take a hint, Aaron will help with that too, whisking you away before your style gets cramped. A matchmaker for the new millennium.

5. To the guy on the 2 train eating the chicken wings labeled “nuclear”: If I see you again, I’m going to liberally douse myself in Drakkar and sit on your lap.


One comment

  1. sorry your cookies didn’t work! i just made more last night for the worldwide vegan bake sale and they came out fine. did you maybe chill too long? give it another go.

    i thought about hiring myself out as a twisted sort of wingman. my just being my abrasive self i can deflect men your way, making you seem delightful by comparison.


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